| Quote of the Week |
| "History does not always repeat itself. Sometimes it just yells "Can't you remember anything I told you?" and lets fly with a club." - John W. Campbell |
| You Are Currently Listening to: |
"One Winged Angel" by The Black Mages
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| Fellow Blogmates |
| Caitlin Joe Taryn Beth Marissa Steve Katie Nicole Breanna Ruby Kim Alysha Colleen Grace Jacquelyn Leann Lee Stephanie The Big M
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| Current Mood As Of: |
| 01/08/07 5:33PM - A-OK. |
| Favorite Bands & Songs |
My Top 3:
- Iron Maiden
Sign of the Cross
Hallowed Be Thy Name
Blood Brothers
Fear of the Dark
New Frontier
- Dream Theater
Take the Time
The Glass Prison
Home
Octavarium
In The Name of God
- Judas Priest
Between the Hammer & The Anvil
Painkiller
Lochness
Hellrider
Cathedral Spires
- Megadeth
Holy Wars
Scorpion
Hangar 18
- Vader
Angel of Death (Thin Lizzy Cover)
Dark Transmission
Epitaph
- Iced Earth
Attila
My Own Savior
The Reckoning
- Symphony X
King of Terror
Sea of Lies
Of Sins & Shadows
- Arch Enemy
Lament of a Mortal Soul
Nemesis
Shadows & Dust
- Liquid Tension Experiment
Paradigm Shift
Acid Rain
Another Dimension
- Anthrax
Indians
I'm The Man
Caught in a Mosh
- Stratovarious
Soul of a Vagabond
Eagleheart
Speed of Light
- Nevermore
Final Product
Enemies of Reality
I, Voyager
- Rush
Spirit of the Radio
YYZ
Free Will
- Queensryche
Empire
Revolution Calling
Operation Mindcrime
- Corrosion of Conformity
Stone Breakers
King of the Rotten
Paranoid Opioid
- The Black Mages
Zeromus
Clash on the Big Bridge
Maybe I'm a Lion
- Vomitron
Ghostbusters
Contra
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor Cover)
- Stemage
Metroid Theme
Brinstar
Ridley
- Van Halen
Hot For Teacher
Jump
Panama
- Faith No More
Land of Sunshine
Midlife Crisis
Epic
- Mr. Bungle
Squeeze Me Macaroni
Air-Conditioned Nightmate
Goodbye Sober Day
- Metallica (Pre-Black Album)
Battery
Master of Puppets
Blitzkrieg
- Armored Saint
Reign of Fire
Hanging Judge
Warzone
- Pantera
Mouth For War
Cowboys from Hell
Domination
- Alice in Chains
Them Bones
Man in the Box
Rooster
- Opeth
The Moor
The Leper Affinity
Harvest
- Living Colour
Cult of Personality
Go Away
Money Talks
- Testament
Electric Crown
Over the Wall
Alone in the Dark
- Mastodon
Blood & Thunder
March of the Fire Ants
Hearts Alive
- In Flames
Embody the Invisible
Trigger
Dialogue with the Stars
- The Iron Maidens
- Esqarial
- Blind Guardian
- Slayer
- Guns N' Roses
- Dead Kennedys
- Queen
- Racer X
- Rhapsody
- 4Front
- Children of the Bodom
- Sepultura
- The NESkimos
- The Advantage
- Dire Straits
- Motorhead
- Fate's Warning
- Therion
- Soundgarden
- Spinal Tap
- Stormtroopers of Death
- GWAR
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| My "Loner-ism" |
| Monday, January 08, 2007 |
There have been times this past year, and in high school in general, where I've felt like such a loner. And this is really strange, considering I have some rather excellent friends and I'm not an incredibly silent kid, not anymore, at least. But the thing is, most of them have graduated already and I don't get to see them as often as I used to. Anyhow, there's been times where I've sat in a class comprised of people I've known for years and have been on good terms with , yet still when it comes to a "free period" or so I still feel detached from everybody else. Thankfully I've never felt like this in Creative Writing, but I've felt it in, oh, I don't know, about three or four of my classes. It's really odd. In some cases I feel fine being in my house, home alone, and then I feel awful if I'm in a class just sitting there, with nobody to really to talk to. It's not like I want to be the center of attention, it's just that I get an incredibly awkward feeling and I despise having that feeling.
Back in elementary school I wasn't rather social. I had a few friends but nobody really close besides one who was a grade higher than me. In fourth grade it got a little better, sixth grade just a bit more. Seventh grade I was a very obnoxious kid and I can say that quite a few people found me annoying. There was one particular guy who didn't judge people in my class and he ended up being my bestest friend. In Eighth grade I was maybe a little more talkative, some still regarded me as a quiet guy. Freshman year was a bit of the same.
Then came Sophomore year. AP American History I. As difficult as the class could be, with its essays and DBQ's, I really owe it to the teacher and everybody there. I kinda broke out of that solitary shell, and it felt good. But yet I still get those bouts of loneliness every now and then...
Anyway that's kind of a downer blog post, so here's a humorous image to cheer things up:
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posted by Patrick @ 1:35 PM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Pat you're not alone. I have the same...problem? Would I/you classify it as a "problem"? My feelings are almost exactly like yours, but I think I know a little bit more any I feel the way do.
I can be at home and feel perfectly fine that I'm alone, quiet, I can concentrait. But at other times it gets so overwealming, it gets so quiet, and so lonely that I just cry.
I miss the way my life use to be. I had friends. I was desribed as "spunky" and "creative". I was a big fish in a small, private school pond. My friends were my world, they were the foundation my my imagination and my livliness...well.. that all changed. My friends changed. They left me behind. They replaced me with "better" friends. And I got crushed by my first boyfriend during that same time. He was so emotionally abusive and I was too stupid to realise it and break away.
So that whole one year of my life was like a death trail of my soul.
The lion heart spirit in my soul, that brightness and shining star of my imagination was crushed by those small, little, simple things...
It all happened to fast, all at once, and I never knew why still to this day they left me.
Ever since I've been a lot more quiet and to myself. I've been too, too, I dunno, affraid to start a new friendship.
I had history with those people who left me. I see them every day in school too, and though we have years of history, I don;t exist to them. I'm no one. Those memories we shared are gone, torn appart and tost away with the past.
So maybe that's my problem. It's the one thing I can't get over. It's always in the back of my mind. All I want is closure from them, I want to know what happened, I want to know why...
Thanks for reading this, the therapy session, lol, I should pay you XD LOL
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By the way, awesome music :D
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You are a an "old soul" who will continue to reach your full potential the older you get. I think that's what makes you feel alone sometimes. You will truly bloom in college. That's my prediction!
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Pat you're not alone. I have the same...problem? Would I/you classify it as a "problem"? My feelings are almost exactly like yours, but I think I know a little bit more any I feel the way do.
I can be at home and feel perfectly fine that I'm alone, quiet, I can concentrait. But at other times it gets so overwealming, it gets so quiet, and so lonely that I just cry.
I miss the way my life use to be. I had friends. I was desribed as "spunky" and "creative". I was a big fish in a small, private school pond. My friends were my world, they were the foundation my my imagination and my livliness...well.. that all changed. My friends changed. They left me behind. They replaced me with "better" friends. And I got crushed by my first boyfriend during that same time. He was so emotionally abusive and I was too stupid to realise it and break away.
So that whole one year of my life was like a death trail of my soul.
The lion heart spirit in my soul, that brightness and shining star of my imagination was crushed by those small, little, simple things...
It all happened to fast, all at once, and I never knew why still to this day they left me.
Ever since I've been a lot more quiet and to myself. I've been too, too, I dunno, affraid to start a new friendship.
I had history with those people who left me. I see them every day in school too, and though we have years of history, I don;t exist to them. I'm no one. Those memories we shared are gone, torn appart and tost away with the past.
So maybe that's my problem. It's the one thing I can't get over. It's always in the back of my mind. All I want is closure from them, I want to know what happened, I want to know why...
Thanks for reading this, the therapy session, lol, I should pay you XD LOL